


a year in review

by lyricallyharley



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, crime mention, kyle the chocolate thief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:40:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25068550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyricallyharley/pseuds/lyricallyharley
Summary: dan watches phil's video with him
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 17
Kudos: 84





	a year in review

**Author's Note:**

> this is written for my girlfriend because she has a busy week ahead of her and I wanted to make her smile

“Hey, is it done?” Dan asks.

Phil nods. He sits down next to Dan and sets his laptop down in between them. He had spent several hours by himself editing. Dan checked on him every now and then and got food for him, but for the most part Phil wanted to be left alone. 

It’s not unusual for him to want privacy while working on his videos, not unless he’s asking for Dan’s help.

This is a tradition for them. Whenever one for them finishes a video they watch it together. The last time they had done this for Dan, it was definitely emotional. By the time they got through it Dan had wrapped himself around Phil’s arm and he had tears in his eyes. Showing Phil a “normal” video is a distant memory, and he much rather would watch Phil’s lighthearted creations than his own. As supportive as Phil always is of his videos, there’s a touch of doubt hidden away in his brain that always seemed to make watching his own face for a significant amount of time less enjoyable.

He always loves watching Phil’s videos though. Even over a decade later, they still make him just as happy. Phil almost never fails to make him smile.

Dan notices how he doesn’t seem as enthusiastic as he usually does. In his mind he just writes it off as him being tired, but he can’t help but feel like there’s more to it.

He doesn’t say anything to Phil about it. He just cuddles close to him and pulls his arm around so that he can lean in closer.

Phil presses play and they don’t even make it five seconds before they’re both smiling and giggling. Even Phil is laughing at his own jokes that he made. It’s funny, it’s not too serious but also serious enough that Dan can tell how genuinely happy and relieved being out has made him. 

The comments made them laugh too. They originally went through them together before Phil had filmed, but there was also one or two that Dan hadn’t seen before. Every time he lets out a slight chuckle Phil squeezes his hand. It’s a silent  _ thank you  _ that he tells Dan every time he reacts to something or compliments his editing, or anything else. It’s his personal way of telling him he appreciates his feedback and feels validated without having to say a word.

When they get to the part of the video where Phil is talking about the awkward interview he and Dan both cringe in unison. Dan remembers that all too well, how horrible Phil felt after and how angry he was. Of course, it’s over and they’re out now. It’s just a funny story now, but it still irks him.

Another cringe moment comes for Phil when he starts talking about his crush story. Dan laughs at the physical reaction of discomfort from Phil.

"I remember when you first told me about him." Dan chuckles as he taps the spacebar and pauses the video. “I was jealous of him at the time.”

“Jealous?”

“Well..was madly in love with you and you were subjecting me to your awkward crush stories.” Dan jokes. Phil shoves his arm and bursts into a fit of laughter when Dan makes a face of disgust.

“No but seriously, I wasn’t sure if you liked me or not and I wished I could be that cool, confident guy with blonde hair.”

“Is this why you don’t trust natural blondes?”

“I  _ was  _ a natural blonde. And no, I still don’t trust them.”

“I just liked him because he was cute.” Phil reminds him. “He was actually kind of a dick to be honest.”

“I know that  _ now, _ silly.” Dan giggles, leaning in to press a quick kiss to Phil’s lips. “I’m just glad you ended up with me and not the weird chocolate thief.”

“Imagine that alternate timeline.”

“Who knows?” Dan quips. “You could have ended up happily robbing stationary stores together.”

Phil just laughs, letting his head fall against Dan’s shoulder.

“Hey, don’t be embarrassed. We all had that unexplainable horny crush at some point in our lives.”

“I’m not too embarrassed, otherwise I wouldn’t be telling the whole internet.”

Dan takes his hand and pulls it into his lap, squeezing it a little. He still has tears in his eyes from laughing. He pushes his glasses up with his finger, effectively wiping them away.

“You were a damn fool.” Dan says. “But so was I, and so was everyone else.”

Phil sighs and leans his head on Dan's shoulder. They continue to watch the video, making offhand comments every so often but letting it play out until the end.

"I feel like it should have been longer." Phil says after some silence.

Dan turns to look at him. He can tell he’s stressed and exhausted. When Phil looks over to meet his gaze Dan lifts his hand and gently wraps it around his neck. He lets his fingers press delicately against the warmth there as his thumbs rubs tiny circles into the skin just under his ear.

Phil closes his laptop. 

“I’m overthinking it.” He sighs, shaking his head.

“Hey.” Dan whispers fondly. He waits for Phil to look back up at him.

"It's perfect, Phil."

"You say that every time."

Dan pulls him in and presses a kiss to his head.

"And I mean it every time."

They stare at each other for a while and let the words unspoken be heard through the way they hold each other. With Dan’s fingers softly scratching the back of Phil’s head and his other hand occupied by absentmindedly playing with Phil's fingers, he watches as the concern in his eyes fades away. He smiles as if to say  _ it’s okay, you’re okay. _

Phil doesn’t generally get this worked up over a video. In fact, the last time he had was when he made his coming out video. This is something important to him and he clearly wants it to be as good as possible, but to Dan this feels like one of the most Phil-esque videos he’s seen in a while.

“Why, do you think there’s something wrong?” 

“I don’t know, I’m just tired I guess.”

“Right now? Or just in general?”

“Generally.” Phil replies. “I mean, right now too...I just wish things could have been different this year. I feel like I haven’t put enough effort into anything lately.”

Dan understands that. He feels it too. He wraps his arms around Phil and pulls him into a hug.

“I think that’s a universal feeling right now.” He mumbles. “That’s quarantine burnout for you.”

Dan can tell Phil is trying to focus on his breathing. It’s shaky, but slowing with each breath he takes. It's something they do to help when they’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious. Dan traces patterns across Phil’s back as he inhales and exhales, whispering “In, out, In out.” every once in a while.

“I’m sorry.” Phil whispers. “I don’t know why I’m like this today. I’m just emotional I guess.”

He lets out a sob and Dan holds him tighter. There’s a few small wet spots on Dan’s shirt where Phil presses his face against his shoulder. His glasses are digging into his skin, but he doesn’t care.

“I’m sure if you rest on it you’ll feel better.” Dan tells him “It’s a good video.”

“Yeah.” Phil agrees, letting go and wiping his cheeks with his sleeve. You’re right.”

“In the meantime,” Dan pauses mid sentence and swings his leg around so that he’s sitting on Phil’s lap. He gazes up at him and reaches up to grab Dan’s face as he leans in to kiss him. 

“A night if netlfix and a massive bowl of popcorn is calling our names.”

Dan kisses him again, slowly. Phil is smiling despite the red colour of his cheeks and the bugs under his eyes. He's happy.

“Mm, that sounds nice.” Phil mumbles in between kisses. “Okay.”

Dan kisses him one last time before getting up. He grabs Phil’s laptop and moves it to the table before walking away.

“Dan, wait.” Phil says unexpectedly, grabbing Dan's hand. He turns to look at him.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Phil looks like he wants to cry, but he doesn’t. He smiles and holds his hand out, indicating that he wants Dan to hold it, which he does.

“For what?”

Phil squeezes his hand again.

“For being the person I ended up with.”

Dan smiles. It's not every day they get sentimental but Phil seemed to be in one of those moods. Dan can't say he's complaining.

He tugs a little at Phil's sleeve and pulls it over his wrist. Phil's fingers close around the fabric as he clings to it, creating a sweater paw. Dan pulls his arm away and watches as Phil rolls back over and props his legs up on the ottoman. 

Phil's right, and Dan doesn't think he could picture a world where he and Phil didn't end up together.

They appreciate what they have right now and where the last decade has gotten them, and no fears of the future or regret from the past will ever change that. 

They are Dan and Phil. Out and proud, and just getting through another day in the slowest year of their lives. 

It's enough of a reminder that everything is going to be just fine. They are enough. They know they deserve what they have and that they deserve each other. They know that they are allowed to be happy.

For them, it's the simple things that are enough.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! come say hi on tumblr (@casualdannie)


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